Training --- Aunt Louise : Vulgarity at the Gym

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Vulgarity at the Gym

This morning I went to the 9:15 am spin class, taught by Stacey. What a great class! Not as good as Derek's classes but I learned some new things about making my riding better and I got some really good sweaty exercise and wore myself out.

Then I went to the steam room, intending to stay there my usual 10 minutes before going to the sauna.

There were two middle-aged men in there already. They kept talking and didn't look up as I went in and sat at the other corner.

Usually I can ignore other people's conversations in the steam and sauna rooms, just tune them out by thinking my own thoughts. And when I can't, it's usually because I'm enjoying listening to them, and sometimes I even join in.

But this conversation I couldn't tune out or ignore because one of the guys seemed incapable of finishing a sentence without using a variety of vulgar words that I don't want to write here because I want people to enjoy reading this without being offended.

And this conversation WAS offensive. Finally I got up and went to the door. I paused and smiled at the men. They stopped talking and looked up and smiled back at me. I said, "Sometimes I'm in here when teenagers come in and talk like that, and I really hate it. And I have to admit, I hate it when I hear you guys talking like that, too. I mean, it's not like I've never heard those words before, or like I've never said them myself. But it just doesn't sound good."

I smiled the whole time, and the guy who had been using most of the vulgar words looked up at me like he was going to say something. But I didn't want to say any more or hear any more. I just kept smiling as I walked out. I didn't feel angry, and I don't think I projected anger. I just felt dirty and icky from hearing those words used so casually, yet loudly, as if (like the teenage boys) the man was trying to show how cool he was.

So, here's my question. Was there a better way to handle that? Should I not have said anything at all? What do you think?

3 comments:

AskTheGeologistFebruary 15, 2014 at 8:39 PM
That was EXACTLY how to handle it. No second-guessing necessary. There are 50-yr-old teenagers and 12-yr-old adults. We all appreciate the latter, don't we?

There's a lesson here - anyone need a repeat?
~~~~~
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EllenFebruary 16, 2014 at 8:20 PM
I think that you handled it very well! I appreciate your example of how to handle an uncomfortable situation. You didn't get angry, but you also spoke up for yourself without condemnation or criticism. I'm really impressed.
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LFPFebruary 18, 2014 at 8:52 AM
I think you did the right thing. I would have been sarcastically snarky (snarkily sarcastic?) which never really gets anywhere and just makes the other person feels defensive. Doing it with kindness and a smile is the best solution.
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The Sayings of Derek

Here are just a few of the funny, unique, sometimes maddening, but always motivational sayings of Derek, the trainer who has helped me for more than a year now, from his early-morning spin class, boot camp class, and small group training:

---Your feelings do not matter. Your feelings do not produce success. So focus on what does produce success. Suck it up and drive on. Hammer it out.

---This is nothing but a challenge. This is a test, and I don't think you can do it. But prove me wrong.

---Now we're starting a 19-minute hill. Is that extreme? Yes, it is. Because I'm an extreme person. My philosophy is that if something is only worth doing in moderation, it's not worth doing at all.

---See if you can keep up with me. Trust me. I will smoke you.

---Come on! Come on! Don't waste your time!

---Tempo! Tempo! Tempo!

---There are two groups of people in this class: those who are not trying for a specific fitness goal, and that's fine---and those who have a goal, and they THINK they're working hard for it, but they're not.

---I'm trying to motivate people, and tell them how they can do better, but sometimes I wonder, why don't they get it --- when I'm looking right at them?

---You got up and came here at 5:30 in the morning, and you're not trying your hardest? Then what are you doing here? You're wasting your time.

---Quit your crying and start trying.

---You didn't get less than three hours of sleep because your newborn baby was crying. Nah, that's not your excuse. That's my excuse. You don't have an excuse.

---I'm not telling you to grab a drink. You're adults. You know when you're thirsty, and I shouldn't have to tell you to get a drink.

---I'm working harder than you, and this isn't even my workout.

---Don’t let me be more committed to your fitness goals than you are. That’s pathetic. But here’s a hint: Try to keep up with me. If you’re not sure what to do, watch me. Follow me.

---You need to get rid of that wishbone and replace it with some backbone.

---This is all performance based.

---This is all about effort. You get out what you put in.

---What? Your legs hurt? My legs hurt, and my lower back hurts. The only difference between you and me is I don’t care. I push past the pain.

---You may be saying, Oh, I’m not in shape. But it’s not physical, it’s mental. It’s all mental. Yeah, I’m in your head now.

---Why are you going so slow? This ain’t a walk in the park.

---Trust me. I’m gonna work you hard. I’m just here to help you.

---The only difference between you and me is time and effort.

---You can’t achieve victory without a struggle. You have to really own it. What price are you willing to pay, what pain are you willing to accept, to achieve victory?

---Keep the hammer on. Press it down.